Lantean Misery
by Amycat8733
Summary: When Katie asks Rodney to get John to go out with a friend of hers, he thinks nothing could go wrong. Boy, is he wrong! This is the prequel to "Screw ups". Set season 3. Warning - contains graphic description of illness / injury. Also a bit of J/T.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It was a rainy day and all of the Gate teams were enjoying mandatory time off. Katie Brown, Cordelia Brody and Janice Perkins were sitting on the top row of bleachers in the big gymnasium watching a 'Geeks vs. Grunts' basketball game. In the spirit of team unity, the teams were four apiece. It was supposed to be all military versus all science teams, but many of the Gate teams signed up en masse so many of the teams ended up mixed. Right now, it was Lorne's team versus Dr. Alaki and his geology department. The geeks gave a good showing, but Lorne and his team had a bit of an edge.

Only somewhat interested in the game, Cordelia let her eyes wander. She watched Lorne for a bit, noting the Major's grace and athleticism. Her gaze passed over the rest of the players, stopping on each for just a moment before moving on to the spectators. Here again, her gaze roved, never stopping on any one person for too long.

After Lorne's team won, she noticed the next teams due onto the court waiting while housekeeping dried the floor. This time, both teams were Gate teams: Saunders' team versus Rollins'. Saunders and his team hit the floor first; the blond lieutenant cut a nice figure in shorts and a muscle shirt. Cordelia noticed many of the female personnel watching him as he warmed up. The other members of his team, Sgt. Morgan, Cpl. Stetson and Dr. Henry also garnered attention but not as much as Saunders.

Janice turned to Katie. "Have you ever noticed how many officers could do quite well as models? Take Saunders for instance; if he walked over to any of a number of the women in this city and asked for a date, he'd probably start a fight. Lorne is another one; I've noticed several of the nurses heavily checking him out when he's in the infirmary or mess hall. There are others as well, such as…" The rest of her list was cut short by an announcement from Chuck, who was serving as emcee for the games.

"Due to the unforeseen circumstances of being caught in a typhoon, Captain Rollins and his team will not be playing today as they all have colds. Instead, Colonel Sheppard and his team will be taking their place."

Sound arose from the stands. There were a number of sighs of disappointment that Rollins and his team wouldn't be playing, but most of the sound was cheering, which was directed at Sheppard and his team who had just stepped onto the floor. The entire team definitely deserved the appreciation. His dreadlocks pulled back, Ronon was bare-chested and wore shorts instead of his usual leather pants. Dressed in khaki shorts, Rodney had on a blue t-shirt with 'Property of US Air Force' written on it that Sheppard had given him for his birthday as a gag gift. Teyla's blue tank top and cream capri pants nicely set off her figure. And then there was Sheppard. He had on a faded black t-shirt, black BDU shorts and an old pair of running shoes, yet he moved like he was wearing a Hugo Boss original. The attention level peaked, and Cordelia noticed a number of the women brushing their hair and checking their makeup in hopes of catching the Colonel's eye. She pointed it out to Janice.

Beside her, Janice chuckled. "Cordelia, you do realize that you just straightened your blouse and brushed your hair, right?"

Startled that she had been caught, Cordelia blushed. "I…I…It needed to be straightened – this shirt rides up and my hair was messy."

Waving away the feeble attempt at an excuse, Janice turned her attention to the warm-ups on the court below.

Katie looked over at her friend. Cordelia's attention was riveted on Colonel Sheppard. "If you'd like, I'll see if I can get Rodney to help arrange a date for you with Colonel Sheppard."

Cordelia sat up straight. "Really? You would do that for me?"

Katie blushed at her friend's enthusiasm. "Rodney owes me after that last date we went on. I'll simply tell him that if he wants another date that he has to get the Colonel to go out with you for an evening."

Cordelia clapped her hands together. "Oh, that would be wonderful!"

Katie smiled. "Now, I can't promise, but I will see what I can do."

As they stepped onto the court, John Sheppard was doing his best to ignore the covert and not so covert looks coming his way from the stands.

Glancing around, McKay smiled. "Well, Captain Kirk, looks like your fan club is out in force today."

Sheppard glanced up and glared at Rodney. "Bite me. You want 'em, you can have 'em." His glare was missed by Rodney, but seen by Teyla, who smiled back, acknowledging his discomfort.

The game went great. Saunders team made them work for it, but the outcome was almost inevitable. Basketball was a sport that Rodney was actually good at. His geekiness served as a distraction, allowing him to pass or guard for the shooters. John was their center. He wasn't the tallest, but he had the most experience and was the most agile. Ronon could beat him on speed and the big Satedan could jump, but John had an edge – he had played in college and knew a lot of dirty tricks. Ronon tended to rely on his size and try to bull through. Teyla played well, but she tended to shoot from the outside because being in a mash-up under the net made her want to hit someone.

The Daedalus was due to arrive that evening so after the game they cleaned up, had lunch then headed off to different duties. Teyla had to assist Elizabeth with background information on some prospective trading partners. Rodney returned to his lab, Ronon went to the gym and John ensconced himself in his office to double check the manifests of inbound and outbound material and personnel.

Once the Daedalus landed, Ronon met John and they went to the East Pier to oversee the unloading. Lorne joined them there and the trio kept everything running smoothly. Lorne took charge of the incoming troops, taking them to the section known as 'Military Country' to start their orientation. Even though they were SGC veterans, Pegasus was a whole different ballgame from the Milky Way.

While the transfer of personnel and supplies was going on, Rodney remained in his lab to review the most recent finds. He was deep in the data when Katie walked in bearing a tray with a couple of mugs and a plate with fresh cookies.

"Rodney, I brought some treats." Katie sang out as she entered his lab.

Rodney looked up, slightly startled. "Katie?"

Katie smiled, her dimples showing. "Of course. Who else would show up with fresh cookies and coffee?"

"Shep… never mind." He grabbed a mug and some cookies. "Mmmm… these are great."

While they munched on the cookies, Katie told him about the newest plant species they had been analyzing in the labs.

While she talked, Rodney was trying to get his nerve up. When she wound down about the newest variety of something related to a begonia, he decided to just blurt it out.

"Katie, would you go out with me again?"

Katie was surprised it had taken him this long to ask.

"Of course, Rodney, I'd love to get together for dinner again, but this time just you and me."

Rodney stammered out a response. "Um…uh…um…great! Uh…when?"

Katie smiled. "How about Wednesday evening? I'll make us dinner again."

He reached over to hug her.

"Uh, uh, not yet. There's a condition."

Rodney ground to a halt. "What condition?"

"You have to get Colonel Sheppard to go out with a friend of mine on a date."

Rodney stared at her. "Which friend?" For all he teased Sheppard about his womanizing, Rodney knew better. Other than his brief fling with Chaya, Sheppard had been too busy protecting the city.

"Cordelia Brody."


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thanks to all of you for your reviews / favorites / follows for this story. Thanks to nacimynom for her beta on this one! Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 2

Rodney fidgeted as he waited for John to answer his door. He wasn't quite sure how to ask his friend for the favor that Katie had requested. The door opened to reveal John standing just inside the doorway, wearing a pair of sweatpants and toweling his hair dry, the dark spikes sticking out even more than usual.

"What's up, Rodney?" John turned, heading for his bed to sit down. "And before you say anything, if you're about to ask me to come to your lab, forget it. I've had a long day and am looking forward to spending quality time with my bed."

Rodney stepped in still fidgeting. "Um…Katie invited me over for dinner again."

John looked up. "That's great! Glad to hear it."

"With a condition."

John raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

Rodney swallowed hard a few times. "Yeah, on the condition that I get you to go out with a friend of hers on a date."

John pitched his towel at the laundry hamper in the corner then reached for his t-shirt. "A friend of Katie's wants a date with me." John's voice was flat. The moment Rodney had mentioned the date, his spidey-sense set up a ruckus.

Rodney bobbed his head in relief that John hadn't tossed him out yet, but that could be happening soon. "Um, yeah. Her name's Cordelia Brody. She works with Katie."

"Okaaayyy." John looked at Rodney as his head cleared the neck of the shirt, noticing the other man's nervousness. "What else?"

"She wants you to wear a suit."

John's face went blank at the mention of a suit.

Seeing his friend's expression, Rodney held up his hands, waving them around as if trying to erase his last statement. "If you don't have one, I'm sure she'll understand if you just wear something nice."

John blinked and shook his head. "Oh, I have one with me." He smirked at his friend. "I was just deciding how many favors you're gonna owe me for this."

Rodney's jaw dropped. "But…but…this is for Katie!"

John shook his head. "Nooo, this is for you and you are gonna owe me big time." He stood and ushered Rodney to the door. "You can tell Katie I'll do it and she can let me know the details. Now, good night." With that, John planted a hand in the middle of Rodney's back, giving him a small shove through the doorway just before the door whisked closed.

With the door closed, John looked longingly at his bed before moving to his closet. Digging to the back, he found the garment bag with his dress blues in it. Reaching past them, he found a second bag and pulled it out. Inside was the black suit that he had worn at his wedding to Nancy.

When his father had dragged him to purchase the suit, John had protested, but his protests fell on deaf ears when they entered Franco's. Patrick wanted John to see what he could have if he'd just resign his commission and come work for him at Sheppard Industries. After taking one look at John's lean frame and broad shoulders, the salesperson took the Sheppard men to the Hugo Boss section. John would rather have had an Armani, but he wasn't about to tell his father that, so Hugo it was. Patrick had also insisted on a pair of Stacy Adams shoes, but the designer leathers had hurt his feet from day one, so after the wedding, the shoes suffered an unfortunate accident. Since the suit was black, he could wear the shoes that went with his dress uniform. That way, at least his feet would be comfortable. Next time he was on Earth, he'd have to see about getting a pair of hand-made Versace to go with the suit. Setting the suit aside to air, John crawled into bed and thought the lights out. He fell asleep in minutes.

* * *

The next day, John was busy with orientation for the new troops. He personally spoke with each new Marine and Airman. It made each of them feel special and it gave him a chance to do a one-on-one assessment. He did notice that the SGC was starting to send him more gene carriers. They needed a few in the Milky Way, but they were more useful in Atlantis. Three of his newbies were pilots and he scheduled flight training with them for the following week.

He was eating lunch when a shadow crossed his table. Looking up, he saw that it belonged to Katie Brown.

"Hi, Katie." He gestured at the empty chairs. "Care to join me?"

Katie pulled up a chair. "Thank you. Rodney told me you agreed to go out with Cordelia."

John took a bite of meatloaf, swallowing it before he answered. "Yeah. And before you ask, I do have a suit, but I draw the line at wearing a tie."

Katie smiled. "I don't think Cordelia will mind." She took a bite of her sandwich before continuing. "Delia wants to see some of the city with you, maybe even go for a ride in a jumper then she wants to fix you dinner."

John took a bite of purple potatoes and another of meatloaf while considering the suggested itinerary. "Okay, that sounds workable. When?"

Katie smiled again. "This Saturday, if that's okay?"

John thought about his calendar. "Yeah, Saturday's doable." He finished his meal. "I'll meet her here at 3. We can have coffee here before seeing the sights."

Katie clapped her hands. "That sounds wonderful! I'll let her know."

John picked his tray up and left. He had a bad feeling about this.

As he walked back to his office, he couldn't help but wish for a Wraith attack this weekend. Settling down to read over the next batch of files, he decided that he would soon be the possessor of Rodney's near mint copy of _Incredible_ _Hulk_ #_181_. Where Batman was his favorite DC character, Wolverine was his favorite from the Marvel Universe with Iron Man coming in a close second. While he liked Batman for his cool logic and nifty gadgets, he liked Wolverine for the adamantium claws (and his hair). He'd have to browse through Rodney's comics to see what other gems he was hiding.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Welcome back! Thanks to all of you that have reviewed / favorite / followed this story or me. I could do this without you, but it wouldn't be as much fun. Thanks to Nacimynom for her beta! Oops - gave credit to the wrong beta (blushes & bows profusely). Now, on with the tale ...

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Chapter 3

Saturday dawned clear and warm. John went for his daily run with Ronon before returning to his quarters to shower and shave. As it was still early, he pulled on a t-shirt and sweats to lounge in while he read over some reports. Eventually, it was time to get ready. Opening the suit bag brought back a lot of memories – some good, some bad, but mostly bad. He shucked out of the sweats and slipped into the trousers. It had been over ten years since he'd worn them last but they still fit. Sitting on the end of his bed, he pulled on a pair of socks and his dress shoes. The golden yellow sateen shirt was followed by the jacket. He ran a brush through his hair, attempting to neatening the spiky strands before leaving his quarters.

His mind was elsewhere so he didn't notice the looks he was getting as he walked through the corridors. Everyone was used to seeing him in his customary black BDUs, or more rarely in jeans or khakis so seeing him walking through the halls in a suit made people stop and stare.

Entering the mess hall, he noticed that Lieutenant Davies had set up the table by the window for him. He had asked her to decorate a table for him and she had done a great job. Too restless to sit, he paced in front of the window watching the ocean. Glancing at his watch, he saw that it was 1530 hours and figured that Cordelia had either forgotten or decided to blow him off. Turning, he threaded his way through the tables heading to his quarters to change. Just as he reached the doors, Cordelia Brody breezed in.

"Oh, Colonel Sheppard! I am so sorry! I was finishing some last minute work and completely lost track of time." Cordelia gushed as they walked to the decorated table. John pulled her chair out, holding it as she sat.

While he took his seat across from her, she moved from apologizing to giving him an in-depth report on the work she had been caught up in. Even after Davies brought their coffee and some pastries, she continued to chatter. He ate and injected comments when appropriate, making noises every so often to show that he was listening to her, although by this time it was all white noise to him. She jumped between topics worse than Rodney did while exploring a new part of the city. Suddenly, she hurriedly finished her meal and stood.

"Colonel, do you mind if I call you John?" Before he could open his mouth, she hurried on. "John, let's go for a walk." Cordelia smiled at him, dimples appearing in her cheeks.

"I thought you wanted to go up in a Jumper?"

Cordelia shook her head, tightening her grip. "We can do that next time. For today, I just want to stay close to you."

They strolled through the city for a few hours, occasionally stopping to take in some of the sights. As they walked, Cordelia nattered on about anything she could think of. John actually caught several contradictions in her statements, plus some that he knew were just downright wrong. He tried to correct her a few times, but she got extremely defensive so he gave in and quit. John let her lead, but soon realized that they were on the outskirts of the inhabited area.

"Cordelia, where are we going?"

She giggled. "I found an out of the way location. I wanted privacy for our dinner. I've been working on this for weeks."

_Weeks? Oh, crap._

"I have to confess, I've wanted to ask you out for a while now, but I was too afraid." He noticed her blush through her curtain of hair. "I've admired you from afar for a long time."

_Double crap. _"I don't see why a pretty girl like you needs to admire men from a distance. You should be able to get dates all the time." John poured it on thick, hoping to distract her.

"Oh, no. I considered some of them, but none of the others measure up to you."

Cordelia grabbed John's arm, she felt him resist slightly, but he came along when she tugged. At length, they came to a set of double doors. She swiped the control bar and opened the doors, leading him in with a flourish.

Stepping through the doors, John stopped in shock. The inside of the room looked like an Ancient furniture store. The room was cluttered with furniture and draperies scavenged from all over Atlantis. Silken cords and strands of beads dangled across the doorway leading further in. The drapes waved in a steady breeze, most likely from an open or broken window.

"Do you like it?"

Cordelia's voice at his elbow brought him back to reality.

"Um, it's fine. It's very … breezy."

Cordelia laughed. "Oh, I opened a window earlier. The room gets stuffy if it's closed up too long."

She led John over to low couch. "Here, sit down and I'll get you a glass of wine."

She was gone before he got his mouth open. _Oh, well. I'll humor her and show her a good time. Rodney is sooo gonna owe me for this._

Cordelia came back to find John lounging on the couch. If she had known him well, she would have noticed how un-relaxed he was. John straightened as she handed him a glass of wine.

"It's a Masson Pinot Grigio," she said.

John sniffed the glass then took a sip. "It's good, but their Cabernet Sauvignon is even better. It has a fruitier taste."

That got them started on a comparison of different varietals of wine and which type was best for what climate. While she warmed their dinner, John contemplated all the different ways he could use this against Rodney. The conversation picked up again when she brought in the food. She had set up a folding table covered with gauzy material. The meal consisted of Caesar salad, pasta salad with pesto, Italian herbed chicken and garlic bread all accompanied by more wine.

After dinner, they conversed more on a wide range of topics. Cordelia rattled on about anything she could think of and, other than injecting a comment once in a while, John just sat back and waited to escape. While she babbled about some new begonia species they had just found, his stomach started rumbling uncomfortably and an ache began to form behind his eyes. He rose and interrupted Cordelia. "Where's your bathroom?"

She jumped up, grabbed his arm and tugged him towards the left wall. "Are you feeling alright?"

John gently shook her off. "I'm fine. Just need to take care of business." Truthfully, he felt anything but fine. His gut was churning, he was getting dizzy, chilled, his hands were shaking and he had the makings of a nasty headache. Reaching the bathroom, his gut decided it was time to evict his last meals. When the heaves subsided, John opened his eyes to find the lever for the toilet. He glanced down and caught sight of the bowl's contents. The bowl was filled with a thick green vomit that looked like pond scum and smelled just as bad.

As he washed his face, John noticed how pale he had turned. Great, he just hoped this was a twenty-four hour bug that he could sleep off, not a-stuck-in–the-infirmary-for-a-week virus that left you feeling like crap for weeks. After drying his hands, he slowly walked back into the main room. "Cordelia, I'm sorry. I'm not feeling well and I need to leave."

Cordelia frowned. "Oh, no, that's horrible!" Then she smiled and clapped her hands. "You should stay here and let me take care of you!"

John shook his head, moving towards the door. "I appreciate the offer, but I really need to go to the infirmary." Just as the door opened, he felt the air move just before pain exploded through his head.

Cordelia stood over John's unmoving form, a length of wood in her hands. "In fact, I insist."


	4. Chapter 4

Hello all! Happy Fourth to those of you here in the States! Thanks to all of you, even those I can't reply to, for your comments. I appreciate every one of you. Now, on with our tale...

* * *

Chapter 4

Teyla paced the gymnasium as she waited for John. Occasionally he would be a few minutes late, but not forty. Gathering her gear, she decided it was time to seek out her friend and team leader. She poked her head into the mess hall and the jumper bay and saw no sign of him. Leaving the jumpers, she skirted the edge of Ops, but again, he was nowhere in sight. Next, she stopped at his quarters. She waved her hand across the door chime, hearing it faintly through the doors, but the doors did not open. She swiped at the panel, hoping John had not locked the door, because if he had, no one in the city could open it without the use of a plasma cutter. The doors parted and Teyla stepped inside. The room was lit in twilight shades of blue from the closed curtains. Bringing up the lights, Teyla scanned the room. There was a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants on the foot of the bed, an empty suit carrier hanging from a hook nearby, his laptop on his desk with a partially empty water bottle beside it. She checked the rest of the room, a growing feeling of unease prickling her skin.

Leaving John's empty quarters, she tapped her radio and called Ronon. "Ronon, have you seen John today?"

"_No,"_ came the gruff reply. _"Weren't the two of you supposed to spar this morning?"_

"We were. I waited until forty minutes had passed. I have checked the mess hall, jumper bay and the Control room, as well as his quarters and he is in none of those places."

"_Huh. Maybe his date went really well."_

"I do not believe that is the case," Teyla shook her head even though Ronon could not see it. "John said that his, what is the term he used…"

"_He said his 'spidey sense' was going off?"_ All joking was gone from Ronon's voice.

"Yes, that is the term he used, plus I have an uneasy feeling of my own."

"_We need to find him."_ Ronon was all business now. His friend was possibly in danger and Ronon had sworn to protect him after Sheppard gave him his life back. _"I'll check the piers, you go see McKay."_

"I am already on my way there."

Stepping from the transporter, Teyla hurried down the hall to Rodney's lab. As she neared it she heard him berate one of the other scientists; she decided to hang back until the tirade ended. She waited a few precious moments before entering the lab. Rodney was bent over a laptop, furiously typing. "Rodney, I need your help."

He absentmindedly waved a hand at her. "I'm busy. Go get one of the others to help you."

Stepping closer, Teyla reached out and grabbed Rodney, startling him.

"Huh, what?" He followed the arm to the body. "Teyla? Why are you here?"

"I cannot find John. He was supposed to spar with me earlier and did not show. I have checked the mess hall, jumper bay, Control room and his quarters. Ronon has not seen him either."

Rodney moved to another of his computers. "So, he probably got lucky and is sleeping it off."

Teyla shook her head. "I do not believe that to be the case. John has felt uneasy about this woman and my own instincts are telling me something is wrong."

Rodney stilled, turning to look at Teyla as he took in her words. "We're screwed if both of you had bad feelings about this." He quickly moved to another computer. "If he felt so uneasy, why didn't he say something?"

"I believe John did not want to let you down. He knew how important this date was to you."

"Here's his transmitter." He peered at the screen. "If he's still on a date, he's way off the beaten path for privacy. Says here he's in section E5, tower 6, level 23." Rodney tapped a few more keys, enlarging the view. "Oh, no, no, no…this is bad."

"What is it?"

"His lifesign is flickering." Rodney sprang up, grabbing Teyla's arm. "We need to go, now." Rodney picked up his computer while Teyla called Ronon.

* * *

It took ten minutes for them to reach John's location. When they tried the door, it refused to open. Rodney quickly jacked into the door controls and was ready to open the door when blue sparks lit the panel. He pulled his laptop loose in time to keep it from being fried.

"_Don't try that again, Dr. McKay."_ A woman's voice sounded from a hidden speaker. _"Any attempts to open this door without my code will have dire consequences."_

"What…who is this?" Rodney sputtered.

"_Why, Dr. McKay, I'm disappointed that you don't recognize me."_ The voice dripped sweetness.

The voice clicked. "Cordelia Brody?"

"_That's Dr. Brody to you, you Canadian putz."_ The voice dripped venom.

Teyla stepped forward. "We have come for John. He is sick and needs help."

"_No, he is fine!"_ Cordelia shrieked. _"We don't need your help. I can take care of him."_

"So he is ill?" Teyla asked calmly, not wishing to startle the woman.

"_I said I can take care of him, now go away!"_ With that the connection went dead.

Teyla turned to Rodney and Ronon. "We need to get in there."

Ronon pulled his pistol. "I can shoot my way in."

"Yeah, and there's a crazy woman in there pulling an Annie Wilkes on Sheppard! You go in there and she'll probably kill him rather than let us have him."

"So what do you suggest, McKay?" Ronon growled as he put his gun away. He hated situations like these because he felt useless.

"We need to inform Elizabeth and Major Lorne and Carson." Teyla interjected. "We know that John is sick." She reached for her radio then turned. "Is there another way in?"

Rodney shook his head. "I don't know." He tapped his radio. "Zelenka, where are you?"

Teyla couldn't hear his reply, but presumably he was where he could help. She listened with one ear as she called Carson first. "Carson?"

"_Teyla? What can I do for ya, lass?"_ The doctor's cheerful Scottish brogue lifted her spirit.

"John is sick and needs help."

"_The Colonel? What's wrong with him?"_ Carson's voice was dipped in worry.

"We do not know, only that he is very sick." Teyla hung her head. "I am sorry that we do not have more, but we are trying to free him."

"_Free him? What has the lad gotten into now?"_

"Rodney said that Dr. Brody is doing an Annie Wilkes on him. Does that mean anything to you?"

"_Aye, lass it does. Annie Wilkes is a character from a book called Misery. She takes a man hostage and keeps him restrained so that she can care for him."_ Carson bit off a curse in his native language. _"I'll get a team and we'll be there shortly."_

Carson signed off and Teyla turned to check on Rodney while informing Elizabeth and Lorne of John's situation. In the midst of heated arguing with Radek, Rodney came over with a scanner and ran it over her. "You'll fit."

"What?"

"Zelenka found a ventilation shaft that goes into the rooms and you're the only person small enough to fit."

Ten minutes later, Teyla was in place. Radek would guide her through the shaft while Rodney and Ronon distracted Cordelia. Worming her way through the shaft, her fear for John swept over her. Even though they were not in a relationship, they were friends and teammates. More importantly, he was family. Once she reached the duct covering at the far end, Teyla threaded a light rope through it before she freed it and slowly lowered it to the floor. Squirming back several feet, she turned in order to be ready to drop feet first. It was a risk, but it was better than landing on her head. "Rodney, is the way clear?"

"_Yes. She's in the outer room near us. Sheppard is across from you in a small room, probably a bathroom or something. No telling how many diseases he's picked up!"_

"Rodney, focus!" Teyla hissed. "This is not helping John."

She heard him take a deep breath.

"_Yeah, you're right. Go, save our glorious leader from his stalker."_

Teyla heard the sarcasm in Rodney's voice and ignored it. She knew it was his way of dealing with the stress and anxiety. She wriggled back more, her feet encountering open air. Once her legs dangled completely, she took a deep breath before dropping from the vent to land lightly on the floor. Gathering her bearings, she made for John. As she opened the door, she had no idea what to expect. The sight that met her caught her completely by surprise. Slightly curled around a toilet, John lay on the floor in a pool of green vomit. His skin was milk white and coated by a fine sheen of sweat; tremors wracked his slim frame. One hand dangled above his head, a chain leading from it to an overhead fixture. "Oh, John." She whispered. "What has she done to you?" She stroked his cheek before rising to tackle his tormenter.

Moving quickly, she headed to confront John's attacker. She paused in the doorway and saw Cordelia pacing as she watched Rodney, Carson and Ronon on a small monitor.

"They've come to take him." Cordelia said in a deep voice that Teyla had never before heard her use.

"He is ours. He loves us." she continued in a higher pitched voice.

"We will care for him and he will love us."

The conversation sounded like two persons arguing, but there was only one in front of her.

Taking a deep breath, Teyla stepped through the doorway. "Cordelia, open the door and let John go."

The muttering madwoman straightened, her eyes latching onto Teyla. "Well, if it isn't the little Athosian." She moved towards Teyla. "Y' know, **you're** the reason why he never looks at another woman!" Cordelia ran one hand through her hair, tugging on it slightly. "He's so blind that he doesn't see what you're doing to him!"

Teyla shifted slightly, poised and ready. "And what am I doing to him?"

Cordelia freed her hand, brandishing a knife clasped in the other towards Teyla. "You've got him wrapped around your fingers so tightly that he'll do anything for you. One of these days, you'll get him in a compromising position, make him marry you and stay home and raise your brats while you go adventuring."

"I would never do that to John. That is not the way of my people. John is my friend and we are partners."

"Partners?!" Cordelia shrieked. "He's a man and they only want one thing from a woman! But, that's where my plan comes in. If I keep him dependent on me then I'll stay in charge."

Teyla pointed behind her as she took a step forward. "John is dying. He has been poisoned and needs help."

"Oh, the poor dear! I must go to him!" Cordelia's entire manner shifted as she uttered the words.

She tried to dart past Teyla, but Teyla reached out, caught her by the arm and slammed the madwoman into a wall. Cordelia crumpled to the ground, unconscious. She grabbed a cord and quickly bound Cordelia's hands and feet in a position that Sergeant Morales called 'hog tying'.

Teyla tapped her radio to let Rodney know that Cordelia was subdued. She quickly unlocked the door and then she efficiently frisked the unconscious woman for the key to John's shackle. She found it on a chain looped around her neck and jerked the chain just enough to break the clasp. Key in hand, Teyla hurried to John. Entering the bathroom, she turned up the lights. John looked even worse under the brighter lights. His hair was matted with sweat and his clothes were splotched with the green sludge. As she leaned across him to undo the chain, John moaned, shifting slightly.

"John, are you awake?"

"Mmmm," came the soft answer. "Hrrtss."

"I know. Carson is on his way."

After a moment of struggle, she freed the manacle, gently lowering John's hand. As she leaned back, the light struck him fully in the face and he cried out, pulling his arms over his head. Teyla glanced around and found a stack of washcloths on the counter. Standing, she turned down the lights before grabbing one, dampening it before kneeling at his side again.

"John, I have something to cover your eyes with, but you must move your arms. I have turned down the lights." He shifted his arms just enough for her to slip the damp cloth under them. With his eyes covered, he relaxed slightly. A commotion behind her and the firm hand on her shoulder heralded Carson's arrival.

"Here, lass, you need to move back so we can tend to the Colonel," he said.

Teyla stood, backing out of the small room to give space to the doctor and his two assistants, Melissa and Darrell.

"Teyla, how is he?" Rodney was hovering, hands fluttering with anxiety while making sure that he was away from the smell.

Teyla shook her head. "I do not know, other than that he is very sick and in a great deal of pain."

After just a few moments, Carson and Darrell carried John out of the small bathroom while Melissa held the IV line. They quickly got him situated on the gurney and then rushed off.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Well, everyone, this is the last chapter. Glad you've enjoyed my tale. Thanks to Nacimynom and Mysra for looking this over. Any remaining mistakes are mine, especially since I added stuff after it was beta'ed. Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 5

Carson stood in the doorway to John's room while he waited for the test results. John had a mild contusion to the back of his head, four dislocated fingers, a badly sprained knee and a bad migraine. Carson had questioned Teyla during their trip to the infirmary and she told him of John's reaction to strong light. Carson had covered John's eyes while they were treating him. Once they were done and had moved him to a private room, they turned down the lights to a bare minimum and removed the bandages.

Melissa walked over and handed him a tablet with the results. The substance in John's blood was mysofoetidia fungus. It was listed in the Ancient database, along with a counteragent, which the pharmacy was ready to synthesize. He sent her off with his approval. Then, tucking the tablet under his arm, Carson shuffled out to the waiting area to ease the minds of the waiting group.

Teyla and Ronon were the first to notice his presence. Teyla nudged Elizabeth gently while Ronon kicked Rodney's foot. Lorne woke at the commotion.

Teyla said the thing foremost in their minds. "Carson, how is he?"

Carson sat down on a vacant chair. "He'll be fine, but he's not gonna be happy for the next several days. The Colonel has a wee migraine, a contusion to the back of his head, a badly sprained right knee and cracked ankle, and the fingers on his left hand were dislocated. In addition to the beating he received, he was also poisoned."

An indignant squawk of '**_What!?_**' sounded from Lorne, Rodney and Elizabeth. Teyla's eyes darkened and Ronon pulled one of his hidden knives and started flipping it through his fingers.

"Relax, all of ya." Carson made soothing gestures with his hands. "The lab identified the substance as mysofoetidia fungus, which is native to Pegasus, and is synthesizing the counteragent. This poisonous plant is not immediately fatal unless the victim ingests a large amount of it and receives no medical care. However, it can make one extremely ill. It has scent and shape characteristics that resemble several Earth herbs that are used in Italian dishes. Cordelia probably thought it was a Pegasus version that combined several of these herbs into one. Katie said the fungus was found down in the lower levels. They were studying it to see how it adhered to the walls." Carson frowned. "However, accidental or not, she certainly took advantage of his incapacitation and purposefully beat him so he couldna escape her care. From marks on his hands and wrists, he certainly tried."

"Yeah, she _accidentally_ poisoned him." Rodney's snark meter was up to eleven. "I guess she snapped his fingers, conked him in the head and messed up his knee to show her love and affection!"

Carson looked at Rodney. "In her mind, she did just that." His gaze moved from person to person. "I know ye've heard o' people that fell in love with their caregiver. That's what she was tryin' for. If ya want a better explanation then ye should ask Kate."

"Can we see him?" Elizabeth asked the other question on their minds.

Carson studied the group. "Just for a few minutes. I have him lightly sedated due to the migraine and the pain caused by the fungus. The lab is working on the antidote, but it will be about three hours before its ready." Stopping outside of John's room, Carson turned to the group. "Before ya go in, there are some things you need to know. The lights are dim, so do not just charge in. Be very calm and quiet. He's in a semi-conscious state in case he gets sick again. Any aggravation or loud noise could worsen his migraine." He gave them all his best _screw-this-up-and-there-are-really-big-needles-in- your-future_ look before he opened the door.

John was lying on his side, head near the edge of his pillow. His complexion was washed out; sweat coating his skin and flattening his hair. A deep basin sat perched on a rolling table just below the level of the mattress. The monitors were muted and hooded. They all stood silently, studying their friend. After a moment, Ronon, Lorne and Elizabeth each stepped forward, whispered something in John's ear then left. Rodney stood, fidgeting from foot to foot before squaring up his shoulders and approaching the bed. As he did, John's eyes fluttered open. It took him a moment to focus in the dim room, his sleepy gaze falling on Rodney.

"Ro'ney?" his voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper.

"Yeah, Sheppard." Rodney took care to use his inside voice. "Carson and Teyla are here too."

"You got me out?" John enunciated his words carefully to keep the drug slur out of them.

Rodney shook his head. "Conan and I played distraction. Teyla is the one that freed you."

Teyla stepped forward. "Did you think we would leave you to that woman?"

"No." John breathed out the word. "Thanks."

Teyla reached out, gently brushing her hand through his hair, fluffing the sweat-damp spikes. A sigh escaped his lips as a wave of relaxation swept his frame. "Rest, John. You will feel better soon."

"Mmmm 'kay." His eyes slid closed, his breathing evening out again.

Rodney left after John went back to sleep. Teyla stayed and continued to comfort him. The counteragent was ready a short time later. Carson injected it into the IV port in John's right arm.

"Now lass, be ready. I have no idea what his reaction will be. The database wasna too clear on what tae expect."

After several minutes without a reaction, Carson was about to give him a second dose when John's eyes popped open and he lurched for the basin. Instead of the bile being thick and green, this was slightly thinner, brown and smelly. Carson held the basin steady while Teyla soothingly rubbed his back. The retching came in waves, John panting in pain between each one. When he subsided to dry heaves, Carson handed him a small cup of diluted mouthwash while Teyla fetched a damp washcloth. John was back on his pillows when she returned. He leaned into the cool cloth as she wiped his face. Setting the cloth aside, she pulled the covers up, tucking them around his neck. A quick glance at his face showed him to be asleep again.

"Well, now that that wee bit of unpleasantness is done, I need another blood sample to check the remaining levels. If they're low enough then I can give the lad the proper meds to get rid of that nasty migraine."

The blood sample confirmed the fungus had been neutralized and that the traces remaining in his blood stream would be filtered out by his kidneys. Carson gladly administered the stronger painkiller so his friend could heal.

* * *

Three days later, John was still recovering in his private room when Cordelia was sent back to Earth aboard the Daedalus, restrained and under guard as she was considered a danger to herself and others. She kept begging that she couldn't be sent away from her darling John, but neither Elizabeth nor Carson would let her anywhere near the recuperating Colonel. Ronon, Teyla and Rodney made sure to be on-hand to witness her departure.

On the third day after his release, John asked his team to meet him on the East Pier at sundown. They were waiting when he hobbled out, a full pack on his back. Stopping in front of the circle of chairs, he set the pack down. With the other three looking on in curiosity, John pulled out a plastic bag containing the pieces of the black suit he'd worn for the date and two blocks of trioxane.

They were all confused, but Teyla was the one to voice it. "John, why did you bring that with you?"

He answered without looking up. "I'm going to burn it."

"But, why? It is already in pieces."

John straightened; his gaze hard with remembered pain. "Cause every time I worn the damn thing I've had bad luck. The day my father bought it for me I got food poisoning; I wore it to a friend's wedding and got food poisoning again; then I wear it on my date with Cordelia and get poisoned again _and_ beat up. No more."

Setting the blocks on the deck, John was reaching for his Zippo when Teyla bent and lit the blocks with her Athosian lighter. Flashing a grin, John tossed the pieces of the suit onto the burning blocks. As smoke started to rise, John reached into his pack again and pulled out a six pack of ale, handing each of his teammates a bottle then taking one himself. Holding his bottle out, John made a toast. "Here's to letting go of bad memories."

Three bottles clinked against his in agreement.

The team sat in silence as they watched the flames consume the suit and its bad luck. Staring into the flames, John thought of Rodney's comments after he woke in the infirmary. Rodney said that it was Teyla that had rescued him, crawling through the vents to face off with Cordelia. He also remembered her staying by his side, the memory of her gentle hands caressing his hair bringing a small smile to his face. The first act he knew any of them would have done for each other, but the second… Yeah, they all sat with each other during times of illness or injury, but Teyla's caring touch was something that only he received. Glancing sideways, he took in the sight of her profile lit by the flames and wondered if there was room in their friendship to be more to each other.

As he tilted his bottle after a satisfying pull off it, John noticed Rodney standing in the circle nervously fidgeting. "Alright, Rodney, spit it out."

Rodney jumped at the tone of exasperation in John's voice. "Um… I um… wanted to apologize."

John tilted his head. "For what?"

Rodney dropped his gaze, feeling unworthy to look John in the eye. "For setting you up on that date."

John shook his head. "It's not your fault, Rodney. You didn't tell Cordelia to dislocate my fingers, attempt to break my leg or to bust my head open." John hobbled over to stand in front of Rodney. "All you did was what Katie wanted you to do, which was to get me to go out with her friend." He reached out and grabbed Rodney's shoulder. "The only person responsible for this is Cordelia Brody."

Ronon said, "He's right, McKay. Not your fault."

"John is correct, Rodney. The situation was not of your making." Teyla told him.

John smirked as he took another pull off his bottle. "I'm still going to collect on what you owe me, though."

"What?!" Rodney almost dropped his bottle. "But… but you…"

John grinned, mischief replacing the pain in his eyes. "I said you weren't responsible for what she did. That doesn't release you from owing me for agreeing to it in the first place." He took a few steps then sat down in one of the lawn chairs. "And the first thing I want is your copy of _Incredible Hulk_ 181."

Rodney spluttered. "No! D'you know what that's worth?"

John raised his bottle. "Oh, I'd say at least a sprained knee."

John and Ronon started laughing, and Teyla joined in. As Rodney realized John had a point, he added his own laughter, thinking to himself, _at least he's still around to laugh about it_.

_- And Life Goes On -_


End file.
